Christmas 2000

[At Laura’s. Laura is sorting through a box of decorations. She has a red ball with ‘Lucky’ on it. She sighs.]

Lesley: “Found it!” [She comes into the living room carrying a box.] “Found it right where you said it would be.”

Laura: “Good. Lulu is almost done decorating the cookies that we baked. Amy called, she’s on her way.”

Lesley: “Oh, good. I hope she’s bringing all the ingredients for her hot chocolate recipe.” [She puts the box down on the table and sits on the couch.]

Laura: “She is, and some extra for Scotty and Serena.”

Lesley: “So it’ll be really nice, huh, to have him here with Serena?”

Laura: “Yeah. I think it’ll be nice for the girls, too, to get to know one another.”

Lesley: “Yes. And, uh, hmm, hmm, hmm.”

Laura: “What?”

Lesley: “Um, be careful, that’s all.”

Laura: [Rolls her eyes.] “I am moving forward, mother. I am building a new life for myself. Look around, it’s a new me.”

Lesley: “Yes, and much more stylish that the old you, I might add. However… I just want you to be happy.”

Laura: “I am happy. I really, really am. I mean, last year at this time, I didn’t have my son with me. And this year he is home. What more could I possibly ask for? Nothing. I think it’s going to be a fabulous Christmas.”

[Lesley sighs.]

[Scotty, Serena, and Amy have all arrived. They’re sitting with Lesley on the couch. Luke is there, too, with Lulu. Laura comes in.]

Laura: “Sorry I’m late. You have no idea how long those lines were.” [Sees Luke. Glances from couch back to him.] “Hi.”

Luke: “Hi.”

Scotty: “We got started without you.”

Laura: “Oh-- well, great.” [Puts bags down.]

Lulu: “Can Daddy help?”

Laura: “Uh, does Daddy want to help?”

Lulu: “Do you?”

Luke: “Ah, well, you know what? I’d love to but I just, uh, I’m gonna have to leave so I just wanted to come by and say hello to you.”

Laura: “What’s up?”

Luke: “I have some business out of town. I didn’t want to go before I said Merry Christmas to Lulu.”

Laura: “Okay.” [To Lulu.] “Um, you know what, sweetie? Why don’t you put your jacket back on and take Daddy out on the porch and show him all of the wonderful decorations we made.”

Luke: “Oh, great. That would be swell, thank you.”

Laura: “You’re welcome.”

[Lulu and Luke go outside.]

Scotty: “Hey, this ladder’s goofed up, Laura.”

Laura: “Really?”

Scotty: “Mhmm.”

Laura: “For goodness sake’s. Serena, I am so glad that you are here to help us with our tree.”

Serena: “So am I.” [Laura laughs.]

Scotty: “Well, let’s get started then, huh?

Laura: “Yeah. Lights first.”

Scotty: “Okay.”

Laura: “Okay? I’ve got some more over here.”

Scotty: “All right, Serena, give me your little noggin’ there.” [Uses Serena’s head to get balanced on the ladder.]

Lesley: “What’s he doing?”

Laura: “Scotty--”

Serena: “Ow! Ow!” [Grins.]

Amy: “Scotty--”

Scotty: “All right, I got it.”

Amy: “Laura, Laura -- you know what, I think you and I should be doing this.”

Lesley: “I think so.” [Nods.]

Scotty: “No, I think I can hang the lights.”

Laura: “You know what? It’s a guy thing, let him do it.”

Scotty: “Thank you. And I can hang these lights. I’m perfectly fine, Amy, to--” [Lulu and Luke come back inside the house.] “To hang the lights.”

Laura: [To Serena.] “Excuse me, sweetie. Perfect timing. Just about to put all the lights up.”

Luke: “Oh.”

Serena: “Lulu, come and help!”

Luke: [Puts Lulu down.] “See you soon.” [To Laura.] “Thanks.”

Laura: “You’re welcome. Good luck, wherever you’re headed.” [Heads back to tree.]

Luke: “Laura?” [Laura turns around.] “Merry Christmas."

Laura: [Smiles] “Merry Christmas, Luke.” [He leaves.] “All right, let’s get this tree decorated!” [To Serena.] “You’re all wound up.” [They all laugh.]

Scotty: “Here we go. She’s always wound up, I’ll tell you that.”

Laura: “I know. And Lulu.”

Amy: [To Scotty.] “And you’re all tangled up.”

Lesley: “Okay, everybody, we’re going to do a picture. Everybody get in place. Come on.”

Laura: “Oh, picture time.”

Lesley: “Chop, chop.”

Laura: “Okay, come on, girls.”

Lesley: “Here we go.”

Laura: “Just get my baby in there.”

Lesley: “Gorgeous. All right. Gorgeous. Look at that. That’s beautiful. Got it.”

[Everybody is standing in front of the tree.]

Everybody: “5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” [Laura plugs in the lights, the tree lights up.]

Lesley: “Whoa. Perfect.”

Laura: “Beautiful.”

Serena: “Wow, it’s so beautiful.”

Laura: “Yeah.”

Scotty: “Not bad.”

Lesley: “Great. Very nice.”

Scotty: “If I say so myself.”

Lesley: “Everybody want to take a little snack break?”

Serena: “Sure.”

Laura: “Yeah.”

Lesley: “Okay, I need a little help in the kitchen.”

Serena: “Okay.”

Lesley: “All right. All the little girls.” [Laughs.] “All the little girls.” [Lesley, Amy, Serena, and Lulu go to the kitchen.]

Laura: [Laughs.] “Thanks.”

Scotty: “Yep.”

Laura: “You know something? You are really a good Daddy to Serena.”

Scotty: “Well, you know I like kids… when they’re properly cooked.”

Laura: [Laughs.] “Oh. I feel so sorry for Lulu. You know, she’s the one who paid the biggest price for my breakup with Luke.”

Scotty: “Yeah, but she’s got you and grandmother and two brothers that probably spoil her rotten.”

Laura: [Nods.] “They do.”

Scotty: “And it seems that she’s not really affected. Even though Luke’s on the run again she’s happy as a clam at high tide here.”

[The girls come back.]

Amy: “There’s nothing wrong with trying something new.”

Lesley: “The whole point of celebrating Christmas is tradition.”

Amy: “Yeah, but I got some really great decorations ideas from that article.”

Lesley: “Oh, mercy.”

Serena: “Look Dad. More popcorn.”

Scotty: “Oh, no. I can’t string anymore popcorn.”

Serena: “Dad, it’s to eat.”

Scotty: “Oh, okay.” [Take a handful. Amy and Lesley laugh.] “No, no, wait.” [Puts handful back.] “Girls first.” [Offers bowl to Laura.]

Laura: “Oh, no thanks.”

Scotty: “No? Okay.” [Takes a handful. Lesley laughs.]

Lesley: [To Lulu.] “Come on, baby. Come sit with us. Good girl. There you go.”

Serena: “So, my Dad tells me that you dated when you were in high school.”

Laura: “That’s true.”

Serena: “Cool.”

Scotty: “Yeah, it was. Real cool.”

Serena: “So, what was he like?”

Laura: “Well, he was, uh… very handsome. Very handsome and very funny, and very smart.”

Lulu: “What was my Mom like?”

Scotty: “Well, she was a lot of fun. And, she’s a lot calmer now.” [Laughter.] “And I think she’s a much better dresser now.”

Laura: “Oh! Oh, wait a minute, now! What about you? Come on. What about that silly pea coat that you wore all the time?”

Scotty: “Silly pea coat? I wore it tonight!” [Laughter.]

Laura: “No, you didn’t.”

Amy: “He did.”

Serena: “He did.”

Scotty: “Yes.”

Laura: “You did?”

Lesley: “I think it was cashmere, though.”

Scotty: “No, no. They’re back in style. I’m back. It’s all back.”

Laura: “No, no, no.” [Laughter.]

Scotty: [With Lulu.] “All right. Reach up there. Put that right down there. There. Okay, that’s good. That looks good.”

Serena: “Oh, this one looks like a really old one.”

Laura: “Oh, you know, I think it is. It deserves a special spot. You find it.” [Serena smiles.]

Lesley: “Okay, who wants some of Amy’s world famous hot chocolate?”

Serena: “Oh, I do.”

Laura: “Oh, boy.”

Amy: “Wait, not till we do the angel.”

Laura: “Oh, right, the angel. You know what? Mom should do it.”

Lesley: “No, no. I don’t do laundry, I don’t do ladders.” [Laughter.]

Scotty: “Okay, then. Laura, you do it.”

Laura: “Me?”

Scotty: “Uh-huh.”

Laura: “Oh, all right. Hold my hand, though. I don’t like heights.” [She steps on the ladder, holding on to Scotty.] “Whoa.”

Scotty: “Up you go. One, two, three. I gotcha. I gotcha.”

Laura: [Climbing the steps.] “Okay. There we go. Whoa, whoa.”

Scotty: “All right.”

Laura: [Puts angel on top of tree.] “There we go.”


Young Laura: “I wish that someday somebody good and somebody wonderful, just like you, will fall in love with me and would ask me to marry him. Just make that wish come true.”

Young Scotty: “Laura, I want to make all your wishes come true for the rest of your life.”

Laura: [Climbs down.] “Whoa!” [Laughs.] “Sorry. Thank you.”

Amy: “Good, Scotty.”

Scotty: “I was there.”

Laura: “You know something? I think this is the best tree ever.”

Lulu: “You say that every year, Mommy.”

Laura: “I do? Well, you know what? Every year, it’s true.”

Laura: “What do you mean almost perfect?”

Scotty: “This tree is a work of art.”

Laura: “Yeah.”

Amy: “I’m just saying you might want to take my suggestion.”

Laura: “Garlands of pomegranate seeds?”

Scotty: “We thought that was a joke!”

Amy: “No, I read it in a magazine.” [Laura and Scotty groan.]

Lesley: “Excuse me, Martha Stewart. Pomegranate seeds stain -- permanently.”

Amy: “Why doesn’t anybody ever listen to me?”

Scotty: “Well, for good reason, Amy. For good reason. Now what’s wrong with the popcorn here?” [Laura and Lesley laugh.]

Amy: “Nothing, absolutely nothing because you can get it stuck in your teeth and floss at the same time.”

Lesley: “This man is dangerous with a bowl of popcorn and you want him stringing pomegranate seeds in the house?”

Amy: “Only if we are striving for elegance.”

Lesley: “And have a janitor on staff.”

Laura: “I love this tree, you guys.”

Lesley: “Yeah, but why settle, you know what I mean?” [Winks at Laura and Scotty.] “Maybe Amy has a point.”

Laura: “Yeah, too bad her hair covers it.” [Sticks out her tongue at Amy. Scotty laughs.]

Lesley: “Oh. So we have pomegranates, all I have to do is get a little extra fine thread for you.”

Laura: “As far as I’m concerned that tree is done.” [Scotty nods.]

Amy: “I’m sure it’s not as hard as it sounds.”

Lesley: “Where are you going?”

Amy: “To go freshen up.”

Scotty: “Well, don’t get too fresh.”

Amy: “Ahem. Excuse me, I have a date.”

Lesley: “That’s news to me.”

Scotty: "Did that guy finally get parolled?"

Laura: "Oh, Scotty."

Lesley: [Pats him on the back in approval.] "Good one."

Amy: "I have a date to find a date."

Lesley: "What, the fleet is in?"

Laura: "Mother!"

[Scotty laughs. Lesley flashes a thumbs up, grinning.]

Amy: "You guys! There is -- I can't believe you. There is a singles party, and if you don't believe me, you can check with the GH special events office."

Laura: "Oh, come on, Amy, nobody told me about that party."

Scotty: "Me, either, and I'm on the board for crying out loud." [Laura laughs.]

Amy: "Well, that's because you guys are not legitimate singles. You're just kind of transient singles on your way back to couplehood." [She goes up the stairs.]

Laura: "What?"

Scotty: "Is that some kind of a wisecrack?"

Laura: "You know my sister."

Lesley: "So we'll just save the seed stringing for when you're available, then?"

Amy: "Don't hold your breath!"

Lesley: "That's what I figured. Who wants hot chocolate?"

Serena: "Oh, I do."

Lulu: "Me."

Lesley: "Okay, then you both have to come and help me."

Serena: "Okay. Can we have extra marshmallows?"

Lesley: "How many do you want?" [They leave.]

Scotty: "Your mother's good here with the kids and everything. Keeps things going, huh? It's good to have around."

Laura: "Oh, yes, my mother is fabulous. Maybe that's why I turned out so well."

Scotty: "You did turn out well."

Laura: "Thank you. Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

Scotty: "Okay, you can kiss me."

Laura: [Laughs.] "No!"

Scotty: "No?"

Laura: "I was going to ask you if you'd come to work for me at Deception."

Scotty: "Oh, brother."

Laura: "Don't turn me down until you've heard my offer."

Scotty: "Nah, I'm tired of being exploited for my perfect profile. No way."

Laura: [Laughs] "Oh, what? You don't want to be the new face of Deception? Is that it?"

Scotty: "No, not when GQ and Men's Fitness are knocking on my door."

Laura: "Oh, well, I'm very disappointed."

Scotty: "No, I'm serious, Laura. Sometimes you know, I can't just be some piece of meat here, some object of everyone's desire."

Laura: [Laughs.] "Well, can I interest you in some legal work, then?"

Scotty: "Oh. So I wouldn't have to pose in a speedo?"

Laura: "As corporate counsel of Deception, you would be appropriately dressed at all times."

Scotty: "What about all the chicks?"

Laura: "And you could make your own schedule."

Scotty: "Well, I'll think about it. I'll think about it. But there is one big nightmare you're overlooking here."

Laura: "What nightmare?"

Scotty: "Carly! And that fancy-pants husband of hers!"

Laura: [Laughs.] "Scotty." [Sighs.]

Laura: "I'm learning to work with Carly. And, I'm working around her quirks."

Scotty: "Quirks?? Are you kidding? That girl's downright nutty and you want me to get mixed up in that mess?"

Laura: "If I can do it, you can do it. Come on, say yes!"

Scotty: "You know, it seems like you're planning some of a revolution here."

Laura: "Yeah, sure, we can revolt against Carly on a daily basis. You and me, against her, what do you say?"

Scotty: "I don't know if you're playing fair or not."

Laura: "I am not playing at all. You're part of my long-term strategy."

Scotty: "Well, so, you want to tie me up as your corporate attorney and slap me silly. The next thing I know I will be agreeing to be the face of Deception."

Laura: "The face of the century." [Serena and Lulu come in.]

Serena: "Can we have some more cookies?"

Scotty: "Well, this face is timeless." [Laura laughs.] "The hair, the whole thing."

Serena: "Dad, may we have some more cookies?"

Scotty: "You know what? Why don't you kids just go slice a papaya down the middle and eat that, huh? Fruit. Good. It's good for you. Huh?"

Serena: "Dad! We want more cookies."

Scotty: "All right."

Laura: "One more. It's not going to hurt them."

Amy: [Comes down the stairs.] "How do I look?"

Scotty: "Well, something's missing."

Amy: "Lipstick?"

Laura: "No, that's not it."

Scotty: "No, that, that striving for a certain elegance."

Laura: "Oh, right, which can only be achieved through natural effects."

Scotty: "Yeah, pomegranate seeds."

Laura: "Garlands of pomegranate seeds."

Scotty: "Yes, draped around your lovely neck." [Laura laughs.]

Amy: "Very funny. Very funny. Well, tonight, I'm only accessorizing with this." [Hols up mistletoe.]

Laura: "You're going to wear mistletoe?"

Amy: "Well, yeah, but first I want to see if it works." [Climbs couch.] "So I want you guys to test drive this for me because I don't want to wear it and make a fool out of myself."

Laura: "Amy. Stop it."

Amy: "Here, come on."

Serena: "What's mistletoe supposed to do?"

Amy: "Bring people together." [Pushes Laura and Scotty closer together.]

Lulu: "We are together." [Laughter.]

Laura: "Together like this." [She kisses Scotty.]

Amy: "Voila!"

Scotty: "That was good." [Laura laughs.]

Scotty: "All right, look, Amy, why don't you run on before your mistletoe goes flat?"

Amy: "Yeah, before you get any ideas." [Taps him on the head with the mistletoe.]

Scotty: "Yeah, never mind about that. Come on. I'll walk you out."

Amy: "No, you stay. You stay. I can find my way to the car. The evening is young, you guys just hang out for a while." [She leaves.]

Serena: "So, can we have our cookies now, Dad?"

Scotty: "Cookies. Yeah, you can have your cookies. You can have them tomorrow morning after we finish our breakfast of chipped beef on toast." [To Laura.] "Your sister's still crazy, by the way."

Laura: "I know." [She and Serena laugh.]

Scotty: "Come on, Serena."

Laura: "Bye-bye, honey."

Serena: "See ya."

Laura: [To Lulu.] "Come on, sweet pea."

Scotty: "All right. Let's get your little coat on you. Let's get going here. Come on, put your little paw in there."

Laura: "It's chilly tonight."

Scotty: "Yes, it is." [Laura laughs.] "Okay. We will see you later." [To Serena.] "Oh, you know what? I gotta be nice to her 'cause she's going to be my boss."

Serena: "She's going to be your boss?"

Scotty: "Yes. She needs my help, and she pays well."

Laura: "Thank you, Scotty."

Scotty: "Hey, see, pea coat."

Laura: "Oh, no! It's back." [Laughs.] "Pea coat." [Scotty and Serena leave. Laura sighs happily.] "Did you have fun tonight, baby?" [Lulu nods.] "Yeah? Well, you know what? I did, too."