Days of Our Lives
[Diana and Mike go into a hospital room.]
Diana: "Mike, everyone is trying to do what's best. Now, please, just try to calm down a little bit."
Mike: "Look, I can't stand around. I gotta go wait outside her door.
Diana: [Grabs him.] "The problem is you won't stay outside her door. Now Roman gave me strict orders to keep you here.
Mike: "I guess I'm not helping things any, am I?"
Diana: "It's okay. Nobody's blaming you for being emotional about your grandmother."
Mike: "You know, everybody's always saying how close we Hortons are. It's because of my grandmother. I mean, she keeps this family together.
Diana: "I know."
Mike: "You know, you go to her with a problem and she has it solved right away or if anything she shows you the lighter side of things."
Diana: "That's a great quality to have."
Mike: "Yeah. You know, I haven't always been the conventional kind of guy." [He and Diana laugh.]
Diana: "Really? You could've fooled me."
Mike: "Yeah. But never once, never once did my grandmother ask me to conform or be like everybody else. And you know, she was the lady who turned me on to Groucho Marx."
Mike: "Yeah! You know, one Sunday morning I remember I was going to baseball practice and, uh, she kidnapped me. And she took me to this Marx Brothers film festival. You know, I'd sit there in this dark auditorium and I looked up and there he was." [Diana laughs.] "She bought me the funny glasses and the nose, you know? So I came home and was enthralled, right? And I found this big, black jacket, you know? I found an old cigar. And I kept walking around the house for two weeks going, 'That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, that's the the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.' I'd be sitting at the dinner table and my Dad'd say, 'Pass the mashed potatoes,' and I'd say, 'That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You said the secret word, right?' Finally, he got fed up with me and he said, 'Why can't this kid be like everybody else,' right? So the next night my grandmother, she comes down the stairs, right?"
Mike: "And she's got this, this Harpo wig on. And she's got this horn, like a bicycle horn. She honks it right in my Dad's ear and she's got this sign on her chest that days, 'Leave the boy alone!' [They laugh.]
Diana: "That's a great story!"
Mike: "It's true. My grandmother is a great lady."
Diana: "I know. I don't know anyone in this town that doesn't absolutely adore her. You know she's made me feel like, like I have a family here in Salem, too.
[Phillip Colville walks in.]
Phillip: "You do." [Diana turns around.] "Or you could have if you really wanted it."