Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links September 11, 2003: Liza invites Tad to go to Tahiti. [Liza is waiting outside Tad's place. He opens the door.] Tad: Is this what it's come to? Selling makeup from door to door? You poor thing. [Liza goes inside.] By all means, give me a pint of your best avocado mask. Liza: You know what? I'll tell you. I'll laugh while you pack. Tad: Pack? Why? What am I supposed to be packing for? Liza: You're the one who said you wanted to get on a plane and go to Tahiti. So good news -- our plane is waiting. [She grins.] Liza: Would you hurry and pack? It's 80 degrees and it's beautiful in Tahiti. Tad: Yeah, that's nice. Listen, before I start killing myself looking around the house for the sunscreen and my sunglasses, why don't you just, you know, give me the punchline now? Liza: Look, I need a change. Mother and Mia are watching Colby. I'm free. So what about you? Are you all talk, or you got some action left in you? Tad: I could probably dredge some up -- Liza: Hmm. Tad: If you were serious and this were remotely possible. Liza: It's possible! Look, I have possible right here! [She holds up a pair of plane tickets.] Pack up or shut up! You're the one who said you wanted to get out of town before this mess, formerly known as Michael Cambias, hit the fan. Well, it's hitting! So are you coming or not? [Tad gets his passport from a desk drawer.] Tad: You're absolutely right. I can always buy a toothbrush on the way to the airport. Liza: What about clothes? Tad: I'm going native. Liza: Tahitians aren't nudists. Tad: I'm not Tahitian. You can always knit me a thong on the plane. Liza: So you're serious? You're coming? Tad: I am dead serious. I wasn't stalling, Liza. I was just stunned. I never in a million years expected you to take me up on my offer. Liza: Well, that, you know -- that's me. I've always been a risk taker my entire life. Tad: [Chukles.] Yeah, sure, sure, whatever you say. In business, you've been known to take a gamble, not when it's personal. Liza: Oh, no, come on! Three times I married Adam Chandler! Three times. That's not gambling? Tad: No. That's suicide. Look, when I said what I said, I wasn't trying to cut you down, I wasn't trying to insult you. It's perfectly natural, you know, after a certain point in your life, you start to get into a rut. Liza: Yeah, well, you know what? I'm not in a rut anymore. I'm free. I can do anything I want. Tad: Anything? Liza: Yeah, try me. Tad: I just might have to. Answer one question. This, you know, this big risk you're taking, this moving and grooving, just jetting all over the world -- is this about the trip, or is this about you and me? Liza: Well, I mean, it would have to be you and me because I included you. Tad: And so... we're not going to be sleeping in separate hammocks, we're going to be sharing a double? [He smiles widely.] Liza: You know what? I'm not making any plans. That's the old Liza. The new Liza doesn't like reservations, schedules. I'm spontaneous! Tad: And I'm supposed to hurry up and pack because you wanted me to just experience the mad adventure of luggage, right? Liza: No. I want you to have what you need. Everybody has necessities. Tad: Now you're talking. That we'll have to discuss on the way to the airport. Liza: Look, you know what? This vacation for me is... I'm not going to continue to ignore the things that I've been ignoring. No hesitations, no regrets, no holding back. Tad: Just seize the diem with reckless abandon, right? Liza: Seize everything with abandon. Tad: Why are we going to tahiti? I mean, we could just start grabbing stuff right here. Tad: Maybe when something works you shouldn't think about it. Maybe you should just go for it. [He leans over to kiss her... and Jamie comes in. Tad and Liza pull apart.] Jamie: Dad, can I have the car? Mom won't let me use hers. Tad: Okay. News flash, Jamie -- you walk into the house. Look, there's someone here! Jamie: Yeah. So can I? Tad: Say hello, dipstick. Jamie: Sorry. Hi. Liza: Hi. Jamie: Look, Dad, Mom's using her car, so I need yours. Tad: Oh. Well -- since I won't be needing my car in Tahiti, then by all means. You can help yourself. Jamie: Tahiti? You're going to Tahiti? Tad: That's right. Liza and I are going to take a much-needed vacation. Jamie: Way to go, dad! Tad: Stop it. [There's a knock on the door. Tad goes to open it. It's Opal.] Opal: Oh, you're all in one piece. Is everybody okay here? Tad: Why wouldn't we be? Opal: Something is cosmically misaligned and it's emanating from this house. Tad: Yeah, maybe your turban's too tight. Opal: Now, no lip! What is wrong here? Jamie: Only that I don't get to go to Tahiti with Dad and Liza. Opal: Tahiti? Tahiti? With -- with Li -- ye gods and little fishes. Once again, my receptors are quivering right on target! Opal: Excuse me, Liza. Liza: Yes. Opal: [To Tad] Now, didn't you tell me yourself that Jamie was at a critical stage? Tad: Just relax, okay? It's just a vacation. Opal: What are you doing? Tad: What are you -- Opal: You can't go -- Jamie: Opal's freaking out because she's afraid I'm going to turn into Dad. Liza: Hmm. Jamie: I can only hope. Liza: Well, only time will tell. Jamie: You know, your hair, shorter like that -- it's kind of hot. [Marian comes in.] Marian: Oh, darling. Thank Heaven I caught you. Here. [She hands Liza a small paper bag.] Liza: What is it? Marian: Well, it's something you're probably going to need, but may not be readily available where you're going. Liza: [She opens the bag and looks in it, closing it immediately after.] Mother! Marian: Well, better safe than sorry, darling. Opal: Marian, are you aiding and abetting this match made by Mephistopheles? Marian: Well, you think I want my daughter to make the same mistake twice with Tad? Or should I say thrice with that womanizer? Opal: Hold it right there. Tad is a wonderful man and father. You can't -- Marian: Oh, well, of course, Tad is so wonderful. He's proved that time and time again, hasn't he, Opal? Let's see -- if we put all the attractive women in Pine Valley into one room, you would probably be the only one he hasn't slept with -- ha-ha -- and you're his mother. Jamie: Awesome! Opal: Marian Colby, hold your mouth! Marian: Chandler, thank you very much. Liza: [To Marian]I can't believe you! Opal: I will thank you very much to stop insulting my son in front of his son! Jamie: I'm cool. Opal: [To Jamie] And I'll thank you to stop enjoying this so much! Marian: What, you think he doesn't know? I'm sure Tad's exploits are still locker room legend at Pine Valley High. Jamie: Pretty much. Dad's record still stands. Tad: Don't help. [At the airport.] Tad: Talk about a narrow escape. Liza: Yeah. You think they noticed? Tad: Who cares? As far as I'm concerned, next stop, paradise. Liza: Remember that time when I tried to get you to go to Paris? Tad: Me? Liza: Oh, yeah, it was, I mean, it was a long time ago. Tad: Liza, that was Venice, not Paris. Liza: No, I don't think so. Tad: I know so, because you picked me up in a red convertible sports car, remember? Liza: I think you're thinking about somebody else. Tad: No, I'm not. I'd be the first to admit that, you know, my memory gets a little sketchy about some details, but I'm absolutely sure it was -- Liza: What? Did you remember your passport? Tad: Yeah, it's right here. I was just, you know, I was thinking that things really didn't go well that time that we tried to run off together. Liza: Well, I mean, nothing really went well. We were kids. Tad: Yeah, but now, I mean, come on. We're adults. We're... mature. Liza: Yeah, we know what we're doing. Tad: Next stop, paradise. Liza: Yeah.