Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links March 16, 2004: Tad decides to take a break from women. [At Tad's. Tad and Simone are talking. There's a knock on the door.] Simone: Just ignore that! Tad: I can't. Simone: This is important, Tad! Tad: Simone, I'm sorry, they're obviously not going away, okay? Simone: This is good, we're finally communicating. Tad: Just give me a minute. [He opens the door.] Liza: Why, thank you. Simone: Oh, God. Liza's my midseason replacement? No way! Over my dead body. Liza: Did I interrupt something? Simone: You are such a coward. Why couldn't you just be truthful? Just come right out and tell me you're giving me the boot for her. Liza: You're cutting her loose? Tad: No, I'm not. Simone: Oh, that's right, you're just putting me on hiatus. Tad: No, wrong, Simone, I'm on hiatus, you're not. Simone: The same difference, you don't want to see me. And after I gave Jamie a job at Fusion. Tad: You gave Jamie a job? Simone: Yeah. Tad: To do what? Liza: To earn points for his daddy. Simone: You know what, you just stay out of this. Tad: Ah -- Liza: I know you're hurt, Simone, but you and I spoke about this. I've known Tad from way back. I installed most of his buttons, so I know how to push them. Tad: You don't know the first thing about my buttons. Liza: Oh, see? Simone: Have you ever pushed the whipped-cream button, hmm? How about "the waitress and the guru" button? Tad: Simone -- Simone: Have you pushed that one? I didn't think so. Tad: All right, wait. Shut up. You're both missing the point. Liza: Tad wants more than a good-time girl. Simone: He calls you when he wants a bad time? Liza: You know, I just think you should accept that he's letting you down gently. It's one of the things that we love the most about Tad -- Simone: Really? Liza: Is that he's so kind to God's dimmer creatures. Simone: Oh, that's it. [She lunges at Liza, but Tad holds her back.] Tad: No! Liza: [To Simone] You stop it! [Liza and Simone are still shouting at each other. Krystal walks in.] Krystal: Well, looks like you got your hands full there. Tad: Yeah, I could use a little help -- like now. Krystal: And spoil all the fun? Tad: [To Simone] Sit down. Don't even think about it. [To Liza] You, in the seat. Come on, please? Liza: Hello? Tad: Just -- Liza: Nice? Tad: [To Krystal] While you're here, would you do me a favor and take a seat, too? Krystal: No, no, I voted myself off your island, remember? Tad: Humor me. Krystal: Why not. Tad: Thank you. Now, listen, this isn't exactly the way I planned this or envisioned it happening, but as long as you're all here -- Krystal: Well, don't keep us in suspense. Come on. Simone: He's going on hiatus. [To Tad] Sorry. Krystal: Oh. Like a TV show, hmm? Liza: Simone's not taking it very well. Tad: Not just Simone. The fact is I have officially decided to take myself off the playing field. I am now heading into a female-free zone. Liza: You can't do that. Tad: Yes, I can. I've made my decision and it's non-negotiable. Liza: Well, but things have been going so well -- I mean, at least for you and me. Tad: No, they haven't, not for me. I've been behaving like a total jerk. Simone: But that's why we love you. We love it when you're a jerk. That's what makes you so you, I mean, so adorable and so special. Tad: Is that a compliment? This is nuts. It's got to stop. Simone: But, Tad -- Tad: No, no "buts"! No "listen to me" or "I just want to say this," okay? I forbid you to love me when I tell you not to. [Krystal laughs hysterically.] Tad: That's good. That's funny. I'm so delighted that you find this to be so humorous, you know, especially since I'm dead serious. I'm in trouble. I need help. Simone: Well, then let us help you. Tad: You can't. I realize I am living every man's wildest dream. I have three -- count 'em -- three of the most beautiful women I have ever met who want to get busy with me at the same time. You know, I know, I know I should start every morning by waking up and smiling like the village idiot, going, "Thank you, God," and go to bed the same way, but I -- the reality is different. I guess the fact is I'm different. This just feels wrong and I want to do the right thing. Simone: It feels right to me. Liza: It does to me, too. Krystal: Well, since I already put myself on the bench, you're just going to have to work this out among yourselves. I'll hide the breakables. How about that? Tad: Would you please try to take this seriously? Can't you see I am struggling to be a better man here? I could use a little support. Ok, fine, whatever. I don't care. The fact is the hiatus starts now. End of conversation. Simone: All right. If that's what you want, then I'll go along with it, just as long as you keep me on your speed-dial. Tad: I can't. I won't. It doesn't make sense. Simone: Tad -- Tad: I don't want you hanging on to something -- no, listen to me. You deserve -- you're amazing. You -- you deserve so much more than what I can give you. You deserve to be loved. You deserve a serious commitment, Simone. I mean, you all do. Liza: Well -- ahem -- I understand. I really do. And you and I will talk about this when we're alone. [Liza leaves.]