 Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press LinksOctober 17, 2003: Another family dinner at the Chandler mansion. Liza: No, you don't. [She walks away to greet JR.] JR: Where is my little sis? Liza: Oh, Colby didn't take a nap, so I told her if she did so, she could come down and join the party later. JR: Well, I hope so. I wouldn't want her to miss my announcement. Tad: [To Joe] You know, it's a good thing you're here. Adam may need a doctor when JR finally spills the news. Adam: You have something to say to me, Martin? JR: Do I have to separate you two again? Tad: Oh, no. No, no, no. Perish the thought. I was just commenting on what a fabulous spread this is -- all the sharp objects. [He walks to the dining table and notices his name plat is next to Mary Smythe's. He switches them so Brooke is sitting next to Mary.] Brooke: Tad. Tad: [Startled] What? Brooke: Ha. So jumpy. Tad: Oh, who wouldn't be in this crowd? Brooke: Oh. Tad: Are you kidding? I don't want to end up on a platter with an apple in my mouth. Brooke: Listen, did you talk to our son about why he was out so late last night? Tad: We know why he was out late last night. He was becoming a man, remember? Brooke: Well, did he say anything? Tad: Yeah. He said last night totally rocked. I know because you were there when he said it. Brooke: And you're satisfied with that? Tad: What do you want me to do? Get the details? It happened, okay? Our son is safe. He's smart. Why don't we just leave it at that? [Everybody has sat down to eat.] Mary: Winifred, I think we're ready to begin. Winifred: Yes, ma'am. Opal: [To Mary] Except for that lovely black eye you're sporting. Mary: If you don't know which fork to use -- Opal: I know exactly where to put it. Palmer: Opal, do I have to declaw you to get some peace? It's bad enough I have to break bread with Adam. Adam: Palmer -- Palmer: Hmm? Adam: Go to Hell. [The guests laugh.] Palmer: After you, Adam. Tad: [To Brooke] God bless us all, everyone. Opal: Who do you think you're fooling, Palmer? Like you and Adam ain't thick as nits? Palmer: Hey, Opal -- Opal: You know you two were breaking more than bread that night Cambias disappeared. Palmer: Opal, you know very well that I was in Canada with Stuart. Opal: Well, then how come your watch was discovered on the -- Palmer: Stop that, woman. The cheese is delicious. Mary: Thank you. I'll make sure and tell Lucretia. Bread? Adam: Well, now that we're all gathered here together, perhaps this young man to my right will inform us as to why we were invited. JR: I'm so glad that everybody came, and I can't wait to share my news with you. Adam: All right, let's hear it. JR: Dad, Uncle Stuart’s not here. Adam: Oh, no, he wouldn't mind. He won't mind. Come on. JR: Well, there's plenty of time? Right? [Liza gives Adam a look to back off.] Adam: Oh -- yes. Of course. Whatever you say, son. Marian: Well, everything certainly looks lovely, Mary. Mary: Oh, thank you. You're very kind. Tad: Yeah? Since when? Opal: Tad, why didn't you bring Simone along? Tad: Because it's a family dinner, mama. Mary: He's probably afraid she'll dance on the table. Brooke: You're going steady yet? Is it official? Tad: Not yet. Can we change the subject? Brooke: Okay. Marian: Why don't you change the girl, Tad? I'm sure you could do a lot better. Don't you agree, Liza? Liza: Peach, mother? [The waiter accidently drops some salad on Adam's lap.] Adam: Oh, for -- what -- Waiter: Oh! I am so sorry, sir. Adam: [Grabs the bowl of salad.] Give me that! [He grabs his arm in pain.] Waiter: Sir -- Winifred: Mr. Chandler? Adam: Oh, I -- damn. Palmer: Adam, adam, you fool. It's your own damn fault, you know. Adam: Not now, Palmer. Palmer: You probably have nerve damage. Adam: My nerves are fine. Palmer: If you'd just gone to the hospital that night like I said -- Adam: Palmer -- Tad: What's PC talking about, Adam? What night exactly were you hurt? Palmer: What night? I -- oh, what a night! What a night. I'll never forget it. Never forget it. Tad: Well, what happened? Palmer: Well, what usually happens, you know? A dame. Tad: Any dame we know? Palmer: Oh, no. Oh, my goodness, no, no. This is way back in pigeon hollow. Annual pig roast. And Adam and I had had our eye on this same cookie, and, you know, we came to blows, and -- well, I knocked him down. I really laid it into him. I whupped his silly little -- Adam: That's enough, Palmer. [The guests laugh.] Palmer: Well, you know, he's never gotten quite over it, you know, the kind of gimpy arm. Not quite. Adam: The blasted thing does act up once in a while, yes. Liza: You know, I don't recall an old injury. Brooke: Neither do I. Adam: Well, I've kept it to myself. Joe: Adam, I'd be glad to take a look at it. You know, time can aggravate an injury. Adam: Oh, no, no, no, it's not necessary. I've lived with it this long. Opal: [Looking at Mary] It's amazing what misery people will live with. [Pager beeps.] Joe: Well, listen, I'm awfully sorry to miss the next round, but it's the hospital. I have to go. Excuse me. Ruth: Don't you leave me. Joe: Oh, no, no, no. Courage. Bye, sweetheart. Bye-bye. [He leaves.] Adam: What in blazes is keeping Stuart? Marian: Oh, darling, I'm sure he'll be here any minute. Mary: So, does anybody else have any good news they want to share with the family? Liza: Well, actually, I have some news. Mary: Oh, wonderful. What is it? Liza: Ryan has made me an offer, and I've accepted. I'll be running Chandler Enterprises. [She smiles as people congratulate her on the good news.] JR: Oh, how's that possible? Adam: Oh, relax, relax, son. It's nonsense. Ryan has no authority to offer Liza anything. Liza: Ryan actually does have the authority any day now, and I plan to accept. Adam: Really? Is that all you want? Control of Chandler? Liza: Isn't that enough? Adam: But, Liza, everyone knows that Tad threw you over for some bubble-headed bimbo. Liza: What do you mean, throw me over? What are you talking about? Tad: She's not bubble-headed... Adam: I had assumed you had negotiated your own little bit of arm candy. I assumed that bedding Ryan -- again -- would be part of your contract. Liza: [She looks at Adam, then gets up.] I'm sorry. I can't stay. JR, I'm going to have to hear about your surprise some other time. JR: [He gets up to stop her from leaving.] Liza, Liza, don't go. Please. Liza: This is supposed to be a special evening for you. JR: Well, it's only being ruined because you're leaving. Please stay. Tad: Oh, come on, Liza, stick around. If we're lucky, JR will show us his new tattoo. [JR and Liza head back to the table.] Liza: [To JR] I'm sorry. [Jamie thinks back to his night with Babe.] Brooke: You haven't done it, have you? Jamie? If you had, you'd tell me, right? Tad: Would you stop it? Jamie: [Confused] If I did what? Brooke: Gotten a tattoo, like your brother. Jamie: Oh. Yeah. Sure, mom. Stuart: [Arriving] Oh. I'm -- I'm sorry late, everyone. JR: Uncle Stuart. Oh, buddy. [He gets up and goes to hug Stuart.] Stuart: Did you share your secret yet? JR: Oh, I wouldn't do that without you. Have a seat. Stuart: Oh, yeah. Adam: Well, now that Stuart’s arrived, I hope you're ready to do us the honor. JR: Well, Dad, we haven't gotten to the main course. Adam: There are five courses, son. You're not going to make us sit through all of them, are you? Winifred: JR? JR: Yes. Winifred: You have another guest. Adam: Another guest? JR: I'll be right back. Mary: Adam, we don't have room for another guest. I didn't make a place setting for another guest. Adam: Because I didn't know, Mary. This is JR’s show, not mine. Stuart: Maybe JR didn’t tell you because his visitor is the surprise. Adam: I don't like surprises. Especially with this crowd. Liza: What's the worst thing that could happen? Adam: You have to ask? Tad: Did you try the shrimp? Liza: Yes. JR: Can I have everyone's attention, please? Thanks. Well, the reason I invited everybody here tonight is to introduce you to someone who's very special to me. And, well, I hope you feel the same way. [Babe appears and hugs JR.] JR: Everyone, this is Babe. Adam: Well, Babe, welcome to our home. It's -- it's a pleasure to -- to know you. Babe: The pleasure's all mine, Mr. C. [She gives him a kiss, then wipes her lipstick from his cheek.] I'm sorry about that. Adam: Babe. Well, that's an unusual name. Is it -- is it like Cher or Madonna? Or is there a last name, too? JR: It's Chandler. Babe's my wife, dad. [He and Babe kiss.] |