Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links October 20, 2003: Family dinner at the Chandler mansion, continued. JR: Okay, so, who's going to be the first to congratulate us? Marian: [To Stuart, aside] No, no, Stuart let Adam field this one. Opal: Married? You mean you two are hitched? Adam: [He laughs.] Oh. It's -- it's a joke. It's a prank. Come on, come on, give me the punch line. JR: You're just embarrassing yourself, Dad. Babe and I were married last week, and I invited all of you to welcome her to the family. [Everybody looks at each other in silence.] Don't you want to kiss the bride, Dad? Dad? Tad: Is just going to have to take a number and get in line behind me with palmer and jamie and everybody else because I would like to be the first to welcome you to the family. I am JR's other father, the cool one. [He shakes her hand.] Babe: You're Tad? Tad: Yeah. Babe: JR's told me all kinds of things about you. Tad: Am I in trouble? Babe: Never. You're even handsomer than JR said. [Liza gets up and discreetly goes to stop Adam from leaving.] Tad: Bright and beautiful. I like her. Welcome to the family, Babe. It's an honor to meet you. Adam: [To Liza, aside] Let me go. Liza: No, no, no, no, no, don't -- Adam: Just let me go. Liza: Just don't insult him so he runs out of the house. Please. Adam: What the Hell do you expect me to do? My son comes home, he's got this girl with him, and he said, "oh, this is my wife." It's a deliberate challenge. JR: Dad? How's it going over there? Adam: Well, you two certainly know how to blindside a guy. [He and Liza walk back to the table.] Babe, you're welcome here, of course. And, JR, son, congratulations. [They shake hands.] JR: Thank you. Babe: Wow. I feel like I just popped up nude out of a cake at the pope's birthday party, but you-all will get used to me. I'm real easy to get to know. I mean, what you see is what you get. And I just hope, for JR's sake, that you'll give us your blessing because I'm wild about JR I could howl about him all night long. In fact, I already have. JR: They'll all fall in love with you, just like I did. Winifred: Where shall I place Mr. JR's guest? JR: Between me and my father. Opal: That sounds about right. JR: Just to my dad's right. Yeah, that's good. I'll move over. Mary: Winifred, I think we should have the champagne now to celebrate the new Mrs. Chandler. Winifred: Of course. JR: And now for the introductions. Grandma Ruth, this is Babe. Ruth: Hello, dear. Babe: Hi. You're Tad's mom, right? The one who adopted him? Ruth: Yes, that's me. And Joe and I will have you over to the house for dinner as soon as you're settled. Babe: Oh, cool. Thanks. I eat way too much of everything. And you've got to be Tad's birth mom. Opal: Well, how did you guess? Babe: Those earrings. JR told me you stood out in a crowd. Opal: Oh. Palmer: Don't encourage her. Babe: Mr. Cortlandt? Palmer: Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's -- it's very nice to meet you. Babe: Is it true that you've got a house bigger than this one? Palmer: Oh, yes, yes. Only it now belongs to my ex-wife. Let that be a lesson to us all. Opal: Will you kids be settling here in Pine Valley? JR: We haven't made any long-term plans. Opal: Oh, you're going to love it, honey. In fact, I'll throw a great, big wingding for you at the mansion, introduce you to all the fine folks and -- Winifred: Champagne for everybody. Babe: Oh, wow. I've landed in "Dynasty." JR: Babe's a big fan. Mary: Of what? Babe: "Dynasty." Alexis and Crystal. JR: This is Mary Smythe. She is a houseguest and a friend of my father's. Babe: [Smiling] Oh, I get it. Cozy. You guys aren't so snooty after all, huh? Marian: No, darling, of course we're not. Oh, except for Mary here. She's terminally snooty. [She laughs.] Anyway, I'm Marian. This is my husband, Stuart, and that is my gorgeous daughter Liza over there. Stuart: Babe, welcome to the family. She's so pretty. It's like being married to a work of art. JR: I think so. Babe: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. [She hugs him.] Thank you. Stuart: Oh -- maybe -- maybe some day you can pose for me and I'll paint you. Babe: That would be great. Clothes or no clothes -- Marian: Clothes, darling. Clothes. Palmer: And who says family dinners can't be fun? JR: Jamie, this is my wife. What do you think? Jamie: Why didn't you tell me you got married? JR: Well, I didn't want to wreck the surprise. Isn't she unbelievable? Jamie: Oh, yeah. Babe: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Colby: [Runs in] I want to come to the party. JR: Hey, peanut. How you doing? [He picks Colby up, then turns to Babe.] This is Colby. She's my stepsister. Babe: Colby? Colby? Were you named after Alexis and Fallon? [To Liza] Why didn't you tell me you were a "Dynasty" fan, too? Liza: I'm not. Colby is my maiden name. Babe: Oh. Well, Colby, I married your brother, so I'm your sister now. JR: Isn't that great? Colby: You are? Babe: Yes, and we can go shopping and get manicures and pedicures and-- Mary: And tattoos? Babe: Well, sure. I got my first one when I was, like, 12. [Liza takes Colby from JR.] Tad: Toast. A toast. I propose a toast to JR and his beautiful new bride, Babe. And your whirlwind romance. How many months old is it? Babe: Months? We met, like, three weeks ago. [Adam grips his champagne glass so hard it breaks in his hand.] Brooke: Oh, Adam -- Liza: Adam -- Brooke: Here. Let me see. Cracked glass -- Liza: Oh, my goodness. Adam: I wasn't -- Liza: We should go inside. Adam: I wasn't cut. Brooke: Hold it. Liza: No, and, you know, you have it all over your suit. Those stains are going to set. Opal: Well, it's champagne, not ketchup. [Tad kicks her under the table.] Brooke: You know what? I think we can fix it. Just need to look at it. Let's -- okay? Liza: Just take a minute -- Adam: All right, all right. [Liza, Brooke, and Adam leave.] Liza: Listen, you need to put a smile on your face and be happy for him. Otherwise, he's going to leave. Is that what you want? Adam: You want me to ignore what's best for my son so he'll stay at home with me? No. I'm not going to sit idly by like some senile old coot while my son is making the biggest mistake of his life. [He turns around and see JR and Tad.] JR: There some sort of problem, dad? Let her rip. Tell me what's really on your mind. Adam: JR, if you really thought this was the love match of the century, you wouldn't have sneaked off to marry her. You would have done it right. JR: Oh. How stupid do you think I am? Brooke: Oh, he doesn't think you're stupid. Adam: JR, the wisest man in the world can be tricked by a seductive woman. JR: I've finally found someone who loves me for me, who believes in me, and who makes me believe like I haven't since -- I mean -- since mom died. [He walks over to Ruth and Tad.] Ruth: Sweetheart, everyone needs that. JR: [To Adam] What do you think? Do you think Babe's using me for cash -- Adam: I think -- JR: The same way you used mom to get what you wanted? A son? Me? You see, dad, I've changed. But you haven't. You still treat everybody the same way that you treated mom, Brooke, Liza. And that's really too bad. It really is. Adam: Don't you dare use that superior tone with me. I've made mistakes -- a lot of them, plenty of them. Learn from them. Marrying that girl is the height of idiocy. Tad: Adam, don't. Adam: You'll never top that one. Tad: Now isn't the time. Adam: Never. JR: No, you know what? Your words can't hurt me anymore. You want to know why, dad? Because I'm on to you now. Adam: Yeah. You think whatever you want of me. Whatever. But wise up to that girl. Open your eyes and see what it is you've married. JR: You know, all that stuff that I've heard for years and years about how you treated Skye and how you treated Hayley -- yeah. Everything you touch becomes a disaster area. Adam: Their mothers did that. Liza: [In disbelief] Oh. JR: Well, I've had enough. I'm going to be on my own. Adam: What did you say? On your own? JR: Yeah. Adam: On your own? Your trust fund paychecks don't start coming for, oh, about a year from now. It's going to be interesting to see how babe reacts to your being penniless. My bet is she won't last a week once she sees what you are worth on your own. Ryan: [Enters the parlor] What? JR's got more going for him than you'll ever know. Adam: Lavery -- Lavery, get the Hell out of here. This is family. Ryan: Really? Why do they get all the fun? JR: Don't you mean abuse? What's happening? Ryan: What's up, man? Good to see you. You know what? I need someone like you in my organization. Yeah, especially at chandler enterprises. You can work for me and -- I don't know -- bring your old man along as gofer. What do you say? Like the idea? JR: [Smiling] Yeah. Yeah, I do.