Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links January 21, 2005: Liza gets ready to leave New Orleans. [At Liza's place. Liza and Colby are packing. There's a knock on the door. Liza turns, startled. She looks at Colby and is hesitant to open the door.] Tad: Candy-gram. [Liza goes to the door and looks through the peephole. She looks at Colby and rolls her eyes as she opens the door.] Liza: Candy-gram? [She hits him on the arm.] Tad: Well, what did you expect? I could hear you having a heart attack on the other side of the door. [Liza sighs.] I dumped the kids' car at the International Terminal at the airport. Hopefully, that'll keep the cops busy for a while. [He turns to Colby.] Speaking of which, where are my favorite fugitives? [Jamie and Babe appear.] Jamie: There has been a slight change of plans. Tad: No, there hasn't. It's too late for that. You're going. Babe: We are, but Jamie and I are getting married, too. Colby: Wow. [Tad turns and looks at Liza.] Liza: Wow -- marriage. Romantic. Did you forget that you're married to his stepbrother? Jamie: Amongst all those technicalities and details, that one doesn't count. So that means you guys can just send us off and don't have to worry about us anymore. Tad: Who's worried? I'm happy to be rid of you. Babe: I mean, look, even with all the mess, everything that's going on, we still managed to find each other. The one person that we're meant to love for our entire lives. Liza: [to Tad] Gee, were we ever that young and hopeful? Tad: [He turns and glares at her.] Don't help. Liza: Okay. Jamie: It's the real deal. Liza: Uh, Colby, why don't we clean out the fridge? We can see if we can find something to make celebration smoothies with and celebrate the good news. Colby: No smoothies. Milk shakes. Let's go. Liza: Yeah. [She laughs.] Tad: Come on, move it, move it, move it! We don't have time! Liza: You can't fool me. This tough, gruff exterior, this little act when you're weeping like a little old lady on the inside, aren't you? Tad: Yeah. Six hankies, no end in sight. Liza: Mm-hmm. Tad: That's why I have you for backup. [He kisses her, then turns back to yell at Jamie and Babe.] Come on! [Colby appears.] Colby: Mom, I think someone broke into our house. Liza: What?? [Jamie and Babe come out, dressed as homeless people. The baby is in a shopping cart.] Babe: Ta-da! [Colby and Babe laugh.] Liza: Not funny. [to Babe] And so attractive. [She laughs.] Babe: Thank you. And check out baby James' little cozy playhouse here. We're going to cover it with a blanket when we go outside. Jamie: Yes, Babe got rid of all the cool stuff, like the recliner and the video games and all that fun stuff. But he's still got some style. Tad: Looks like you're all set. Jamie: Yeah, I guess we're ready to go. Babe: [to Liza] Hey, thank you. Come here -- [She hugs Liza.] Liza: Oh -- Babe: Both of you, seriously. [to Colby] And you [she hugs Colby] you remember how much your nephew loves you, okay? Liza, what you did for us -- taking us in even when you knew everything that you were risking. Liza: I did it for their sake, and for yours. We don't want J.R. making his father's mistakes, now, do we? [Police sirens wail outside. Tad looks outside the window.] Liza: Two? Four? Tad: Try half a dozen -- squad cars, New Orleans PD. Liza: Okay, Colby, follow the leader, remember? You just do as I say. Babe: No. No, you guys need to go now. All of you. Jamie: No, you know what? They want me and Babe. These cops bust in here, we can't let you guys go down for us! Tad: Don't panic. Nobody's going down. If they're here for you -- Jamie: Dad, just -- please, just get them out of here. We'll take whatever happens. We can't let you guys -- [An office pounds on the door.] Officer: Police! Open up! Jamie: [Whispering] Dad, Dad, just go! Tad: [Whispering] No, not without you. [Pounding] Tad: Just a minute. [Pounding] Tad: Coming. [He opens the door.] Oh, man, again? Listen, if it's about the snoring, it's a deviated septum. I can't help -- Officer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're doing a house-to-house. Tad: Yeah, well -- fine, sure. Officer: We got an escapee from prison. Tad: And you thought they might be here? No, I don't get much company. And I certainly had none tonight. Would you like a cup of coffee or something? Officer: No, just keep your door locked and your ears open, all right? We'll take care of the rest, okay? Tad: Sure, whatever you say. Thank you. [The officer leaves. Everyone comes out of hiding.] Babe: Oh, my God, I -- I can't -- I can't stop shaking. Colby: We're good at this game. Jamie: No, it's okay now. We're cool. Tad: No, we're not. As long as they're out there, you can't move. You can't go anywhere. If they stay too long, that boat's going to sail without you. They're here another ten minutes, everything goes down the drain. [Liza is looking out the window.] Liza: That's the last of the cars. They're all headed out. Jamie: Well, let's take the hint and get out of here. What do you say? Colby: Follow the leader. Who goes first? Babe: Think we're going to make our boat? Tad: If we haul it. Jamie: Let's rock 'n' roll. [They go towards the door; Adam, JR, and their goons are on the other side.]