Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links June 23, 2003: Liza tells Tad to stay away from Mia. [At Tad's. He's playing with a hockey stick.] Tad: Score! [Knock on door.] Tad: Who is -- ahem -- who is it? Liza: Tad, open up. Tad: Terrific. The other sister. [He opens the door.] What? Liza: [Comes in.] Oh, don't "what" me with that look on your face. Tad: I can't help it. My eyebrows grow this way. Liza: Listen up, Thaddeus -- Mia is off-limits. Am I making myself clear? [Tad closes the door.] Tad: You honestly think I’m interested in your sister? Liza: You're a man, aren't ya? Tad: You have to ask? Liza: You are not going to validate your manhood on my sister. Tad: Hey, Dr. Ruth, slow down. Thanks for the love and support, but I don't need anyone to validate anything. Liza: Really? What were you doing on the beach with her? Tad: Mostly defending myself. Liza: Hmm -- with your lips? Tad: She tackled me. Liza: Oh, uh-huh -- all 20 pounds of her. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Tad: Yes [laughs] -- about as ridiculous as you traipsing in here and accusing me of getting dirty with your sister. Liza: You know what? Mia is hurting right now because of your brother! Tad: Hey, don't forget Edmund. Liza: And Edmund. You should've known better. Tad: Than what? Liza: Than to be kissing her! Tad: I'm not going to argue with you. You're -- Liza: Look, I know her and I know you. And she's very vulnerable, just the way you like them. Tad: Just the way I like them? What was ever vulnerable about you? Liza: We're not talking about me. Tad: I am. You know something? I bet 20 bucks that in the back of her mind, your sister thinks you want me to stay away from her because you want me all for yourself. Liza: You know, if she thinks that, she's -- [Scoffs.] Tad: Demented? Psychotic? Liza: Okay, okay -- Tad: Intuitive? Liza: If you would shut up -- and grow up. This is what you do -- you get involved with women and you push them over the edge and you stand there with a little doe-eyed look on your face and you go "I don't know what happened. It's not my fault." Tad: You're right. My God, you've nailed me exactly. This is how I wanted my life to turn out -- Mia yelling, you yelling, everyone yelling. I worked it out perfectly, I can die happy. Kill me now. Liza: Well, I will if you don't keep your distance. Tad: [He takes a step closer to her.] You want a piece of me, too? Liza: [She smiles and moves closer to him.] Oh, you're -- you're just begging me for it, aren't ya? Tad: I think I could take you. Liza: Mm-hmm. I'm sure you'd like to try. [Neither say anything. Tad moves closer to Liza.] Tad: [Smiling.] If you're going to kiss me, just do it because the suspense is killing me. Liza: Oh, you'd really like that, wouldn't you? Tad: Yeah, I would. You know, I think you and your sister have more in common than you know. Liza: Oh, shut up. [She hits his shoulder and moves away.] That's not what I'm doing. I'm here to protect you. Tad: From Mia? Forgive me, but I think I can handle her. Liza: Yeah, well, that's what I’m afraid of. Tad: Tell me something. Is there any woman on the planet you wouldn't mind me being with? Liza: Well, I don't know! Why don't you pick one -- Tad: I did! Liza: One that's not my sister! Tad: Her name was Lysistrata. Liza: [Laughs.] Oh, right, right. Oh, yeah, you were really serious about her. Tad: I could've been. Liza: Oh -- Tad: She had a great... motorcycle. Liza: Yeah. Oh -- Tad, there's -- there's somebody out there that suits you, perfect for you, someone who understands you. Tad: Oh, you're right. Yeah, absolutely. And a psychiatrist could never do that. [Liza sighs.] Which would leave... [He pretends to think] ... you. Liza: [Amused.] Me? [Her smile fades as she realizes he might be serious.]