Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links January 26, 2004: Liza tells Tad that she wants him. Tad: [To Liza] Now isn't a very good time. Krystal: But since you're here, I mean, could you close that door? That draft's giving me a little bit of a chill. Liza: [She closes the door.] We wouldn't want that. [She sits down on a chair, her back to them.] Tad: Aren't you supposed to be on the other side of the door? Liza: [She picks up a magazine from the desk.] Oh, don't mind me. I'll wait. Krystal: You sure you want to watch, Liza? Liza: You know, I think I'm just going to catch up on my male reading, figure out the male mind here till you're finished. Tad: [He begins to get dressed.] By all means, consider us finished. Krystal: For now. [She slaps Tad on the bum.] Liza: Oh, look, it's a compatibility test. I just love these things. Tad, would you like to do this with me? [She turns to smile at him]. Tad: No, thanks. I haven't studied up. Krystal: Oh, I'm a whiz at these things. What's the first question? Liza: Are you looking for a serious relationship? Krystal: Oh, now, serious is a real passion killer. That would be a definite no. Liza: What about you, Tad? Are you looking for a serious -- Tad: I heard the question. I'm not going to play, all right? Krystal: Oh, come on, Tad. Now just because we might score as high on the court as we do off doesn't mean I'm going to march you down the aisle. You seen my shoe, babe? Tad: Oh. Here. [He bends down to pick up her shoe.] Krystal: Oh, thank you. Tad: [He hands her the shoe.] Here you go. [He turns back to Liza and sits on a chair facing her.] Why are you here? What do you think you're doing? Liza: I want Krystal to leave. Krystal: Well, aren't you the clever one? Turns out I've got someplace to go. [To Tad] Could you zip me up, babe? Tad: Oh, yeah. Good idea. All done. Krystal: Oh, now, you, too, big boy. [She zips up his pants.] Oh, now that we're decent, could I have a word with you outside, please? Tad: Sure. [To Liza] You want in on this, too? Liza: Oh, no, no, I got four more questions to go. [She smiles at him as they go outside.] [Tad comes back in after Krystal leaves.] Tad: I certainly hope that you are proud of yourself. Liza: Well, I think it's a good thing I showed up when I did. Tad: Let me tell you something -- that's a great dress. If this is the part where you're going to start to slam on Krystal, forget about it. I don't want to hear it. Liza: All I'm saying -- Tad: Zip it. Liza: I think you already did, mister. [She smiles.] Tad: Look, I'm not kidding, all right? I'm dead serious. I'm sick and tired of you trying to warn me off of every single woman that I so much as look at. Liza: I don't think I have to. Krystal and Simone come with their own little warning labels. Tad: I mean it, Liza! I don't need a mother. I've already got two. Liza: You think I want to be your mother? I don't want to be your mother. Tad: Well, sweetheart, you know something? If the apron string fits, then just strap it on. Liza: Listen, I didn't show up to be your mother. I certainly don't want to wipe your nose. Tad: Well, you took my candy away. Liza: Because -- Tad: Because, as my friend, you think you know best, isn't that right? Liza: Oh, and you've got me all figured out. Tad: To a T. All right, fine. I'll tell you what. Your life consists of memorizing the "TV Guide," all right? You wash your hair on days that end with a Y, you avoid fat, eat plenty of fiber -- Liza: You know that's not true. Tad: And you have completely forgotten how to have fun! And now you're determined to make me every bit as boring and pathetic as you are. Liza: Pathetic? Tad: Pathetic! Forget it, Liza. I like it in the land of the living. I like having sex, all right? I'm not interested. Liza: So you think you know everything there is to know about me? Tad: Backwards and forwards. Liza: You know, I think you've been living on the planet Tad for a little bit too long because how could you possibly know what I want? Tad: "Planet Tad"? Liza: Yeah. [She grins.] Tad: All right, Liza, I'll bite. [He steps closer to her.] What exactly is it that you want? Liza: [She gets even closer to him.] I want you. [She smiles.] Tad: Liza, come on. Be serious. We tried that. I mean, what about our, you know, what-the-hell, no-holds-barred trip to Tahiti? We both slammed on the brakes pretty fast. Liza: Well, hello. I wasn't ready, and now I am. Tad: Well, nothing's changed on Planet Tad. I'm not ready to make any promises or guarantees. Liza: Look at where playing it safe has gotten me. It's gotten me nowhere. I want more. I want a lot more. Tad: Right now? Is that why you chased Krystal out of here? Liza: Look, you know what? If she can't stand the heat... [She looks at him. He looks at her.] Tad: [He realizes...] You're serious. Liza, come on. I don't know what to say. Liza: You and I -- we -- we do this thing, you know. We walk away, we pretend like it's not there, we try to ignore it. But you and I -- we always end up right here. Tad: Well, when we do, I mean, alarms go off, you know? Sirens, bells, lights, whistles, the whole thing. Liza: Yeah, but you like it like that. You like the edge, and so do I, and that's why I know you're not going to say no. [She smiles and starts to unbutton his shirt.] Tad: [He moves away.] What has gotten into you? Liza: You know what? Honestly, I am tired of waiting for you to try to figure it out, so what do you say? Tad: I say that I don't want to hurt you. Liza: Oh, come on. Because you're playing the field? I've seen the competition. The designer Girl Scout and the southern-fried cheese? I can deal. Tad: Have you been drinking? Liza: I have been sidelined long enough, and you know what? I've told myself to forget about you. I've told myself, "find somebody more suitable, more mature." And I don't want somebody suitable. I want you. Tad: Was that a shot? That was a shot. Liza: Listen, you want me to take on Simone? You want me to take on Krystal? I'll do that. If that's what you want me to do. Tad: [He has a twinkle in his eye.] How do you feel about mud wrestling? Liza: I think I might like to keep it clean with you. [She smiles and kisses him.] [Tad and Liza are kissing intently. Liza moves from Tad's grasp and he falls onto the couch, dazed.] Liza: I have to go. Tad: Now? Liza: Yeah. But tonight, when you're getting ready to go to bed, why don't you think about that kiss? And think about what we said and what we could have, because it could be good. It could be really good, Tad. [She smiles.] [Liza leaves a stunned, speechless Tad.]