Home Transcripts Snappies Fan Creations M & M Press Links July 4, 2003: Opal warns Tad to stay away from Liza. [At the 4th of July fair. Tad and Liza walk by the dunking booth on the way to Ruth and Joe's table.] Tad: Oh, come on, don't be grumpy. Look at the bright side -- all that payback was refreshing. Ruth: [To Joe.] Maybe you'd like to get refreshed for a while. Joe: Uh, no, I’ll pass on that. Opal: Oh. Joe: I don't need my entire staff trying to dump water on me. Opal: Come on, Joe. It's for a good cause. Besides, I predict that all your staff has lousy aim. Joe: Nice try, Opal. Opal: No, that's Lapo to you. Joe: Oh. Tad: That's vaguely obscene. Opal: No, that's "Opal" spelled backwards. Tad: [Sarcastically] Really? Liza: Just stay away from the water, Joe. It's near its boiling point anyway. Tad: Oh, hi. I thought you were blushing. Liza: I buy all my blush from Fusion, thanks. Opal: Hey, do you think that I’d be eligible to vote in that contest? Liza: Of course you can, Opal. Opal: Ooh, I’d like to. Ruth: You know, when I was a girl, we used to dream about being Miss America. Now all they dream about is landing the most sexiest man in America. Opal: Yeah, well, when I was teetering around on my first set of stiletto heels, I was dreaming of choosing c, you know? All of the above. What did I end up with? Zilch. At least you got the man. Ruth: Did you hear that, sexy? Joe: I heard. Opal: But at least I got a primo view of the beefcake, and I can kind of hope and pray for a few samples. Tad: Yeah, with any luck, we can get you some of that -- what do they call it? -- waterproof mascara, there, Liza. Liza: All right, just dig yourself in deeper. [Tad and Liza run into Mia and Aidan.] Mia: Hey. Oh, boy. Are you guys having fun? Tad: Fun? Well, let's just say it's been a real eventful day. Mia: [To Liza.] Hmm. Listen, I need a distraction. You want to get a hotdog? [She takes Liza's hand and they leave.] Tad: Is it just me -- Opal: [Walks up.] Oh, no, you don’t. Come on, come on. We are going to have a confab. [She takes him by the arm and leads him away.] Opal: No, I mean it. You know, you have got some serious pain in your future if you keep playing patty-pants with Liza Colby Chandler Chandler. Tad: Patty-pants? Would you stop it? I’m going to be sick. Opal: Well, you already are because only a severe mind derangement could explain romancing that woman. Tad: I’m not romancing anyone. I told you, okay? The handcuffs were a mistake. It was a game that just went wrong. Opal: Yeah, they always are. Tad: I’m not going to ask because I really don't want to know. Opal: You know, all evening I have been having electrical shocks jumping up and down my spine, and now I know why. Tad: Yeah, so do I. Your brain is short-circuiting. Opal: No, no, no. The only thing short-circuiting is the stars, because writing you and Liza in them -- that is cause for a major fuse blowout. [Thunder.] Tad: Would you stop it? It's just so weird. All right, you got my attention. So what if there was something between me and Li-- which there isn't, okay -- but what if there was something between me and Liza? Why is that such a huge negative? Opal: Tad, some people are not meant to be together, okay? It just throws off the whole natural order of the universe. Opal: [She reads Tad's palm.] Yeah, look at that. Your love line is a mess. I mean, see here, where these two lines intersect, making kind of a T? Tad: T as for Tad? Opal: No, T for train wreck. That is what is in your future if you keep carrying on with Liza. Tad: I’m not carrying on. Look, news flash, okay? Dumping water on someone's head does not necessarily constitute foreplay. Opal: Maybe not to you, but I’ve seen Liza. It is a sultry evening. I see heat rising. Tad: Well, that's just uncanny, considering it's been over 90 degrees for the past week. Opal: All right, okay. Scoff if you like, but I am telling you, you steer clear of Li -- Liza! Liza: Hey. How's the fortune telling biz? Tad: Oh, she's on fire. You got to hear this. Go ahead, Mama, tell her what you just told me. Opal: Um, I was saying that we're having kind of a dry spell, and Tad is going to come and help me drum up some business. [She takes Tad away.] Liza: I thought my mother was difficult.